i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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