Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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