We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
