also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize