If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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