Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
