Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
