JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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