I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
