Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
