How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
