HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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