I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
