she was so not down for the gang bang
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
