Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
