Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
