I wannas sexs uuuuu
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
