Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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