it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize