I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
