I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
