i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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