Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
