once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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