Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Drunk is not a location!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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