well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
