There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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