I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
