i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
