ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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