Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
