i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
