did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
