So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
