I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
