I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
