Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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