I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
