you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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