i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
