I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
