the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
