so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
only if we run a train.
done.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
