I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
