Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
