She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize