I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
