all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
