i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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