never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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