grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
