the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
