just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
