Just fell off a train. Bad.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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