i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize