ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
