what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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