so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
