i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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