I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A bitchslap is in order.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
