So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
