I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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