I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
