is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize