he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
