We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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