WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
