I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
