If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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