You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
