.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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